Patience, not Faith

So my makeshift devotional is a notebook and I use Glad Day Daily Affirmations to use to meditate with primarily the Darren, or even just basic grounding and affirmations. And use the notebook to reflect on the session, was it helpful, what insight did I get from it, or did I struggle that day? Any major changes to his offerings or set up for knowing how to set the altar in the future are also sometimes recorded when I can remember.

It has some really good affirmations, click the pic if you want to buy it on Amazon

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Today's affirmation was "Today I will have patience with path I have chosen". It was a little on the nose at the moment. It talked about doubting and fear regarding the new path taken. 

Here's the context that made me think at first: I didn't choose to be laid off. It just happened one day, I received a call and I no longer work at my job I was at for almost 3 years. It hurt. I left with dignity, and started trying to pick up what pieces I could. I filed for unemployment, applied for new jobs. Some of the others in the company wide lay off have already found new jobs. I have not yet, and that is frustrating, I'm jealous of them and scared that I haven't found anything yet. But I pray to the Four, the Clarene for financial stability, the Ophelia for cleansing, the Laethas for change, the Dierne for finding a job that I can feel passionate about, the Laethelia for joy, the Ophelene for discipline, the Darren for my doubts, and the Eighth for facing my fears. (Rituals to come in a later post for some). 

Meditating today at The Darren's Altar I stated my doubt at this affirmation, I felt powerless. And as I stated that thought I realized something: I didn't have a choice in losing my job, but I had a choice in how I left the job, and whether I continued marching on, or if I just threw a pity party for myself. I chose to be gracious in leaving, I chose to apply for unemployment, I chose to apply for new jobs. That was the path I chose and I need to have patience with it. 

So where does faith come in? Well for one I was chanting "faith" instead of "patience" at times and needing to correct myself. The thing is patience and faith aren't the same. Faith means to turn away doubt in this scenario. Patience means waiting, and doubt and fear can linger, but they can not consume. They are part of life, but they are not the only aspect. Eventually other things will take over from there. In a way it it relates to the gods, as Darren and Eighth relate to doubt and fear, and they are two gods that can become very overwhelming if they are allowed, but being shut out completely is 1) Impossible and 2) Unhealthy to even try to attempt. But when allowed to hold court in moderation, it becomes bearable, and people that are willing to help you step up. I think that's a good thing to keep in mind in the easy and the hard times. 

To end here's a song that sounded fitting to me.